


Used

by myhead_myuniverse



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Break Up, Coming Out, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhead_myuniverse/pseuds/myhead_myuniverse
Summary: "-	But you know I’ve never… He took a deep breath. Through all of this, I’ve never felt as hurt as I was when I woke up this morning."He can’t bare it, it was hard enough this morning that he didn’t need Lukas to look at him with disgust written all over his face every time he sees him. He’s had enough, enough of Lukas and all of his bullshit. He knows it's gonna hurt but nothing hurts more than all the times Lukas played with him.





	

The alcohol was burning its way down his throat, it felt good. He was drunk, he couldn’t think straight, words were coming out of his mouth but he couldn’t understand what he was saying. He brought the bottle up to his lips but it was gone before he could feel the liquid on his tongue.

He watched Philip put his lips around the head of the bottle like it was something he had done a million times and swallowed the brown drink. He watched the face he made before giving it back to him. He was hot, so hot and his lips were something Lukas could never get over. Everything was dizzy and confused in his head and he wasn't sure why he said those words.

     - My girlfriend wants to blow me dude…

He chuckled, not fully aware of everything, he took another gulp and Philip answered.

     - Like she’s the only one…

He was sure he wasn’t meant to hear that but he did and he couldn’t help but spit everything out.

     - You… _He managed to get out._ You want to blow me?

     - Yeah, _Philip whispered, blushing_.

     - Have you… Have you ever done it before? _He asked._

He could feel the blur in his head disappear, his mind was still confused with thoughts of Philip, Philip on his knees, Philip with his lips around him.

     - Yeah, _he said looking down._

He was still drunk, so drunk but he wanted to feel Philip close to him, he wanted to feel his hands and his mouth.

     - Would you let me? _He heard_

He was freaking out, he shouldn’t want this, shouldn’t feel this good thinking about it. _“No”._ No, he wouldn’t let him, couldn’t let him and he was ready to say it to Philip but he could’t control what he was saying. His mouth betrayed him, letting out the words he wanted to keep in.

     - Fuck yes, _he breathed out._

     - So if…If I was to make a move on you like, right now, _he bit his lips_ , you’d let me?

Philip’s words rang through his ears and his head nodded without his permission. He dropped the bottle when his back hit the car, the brunet’s chest pressed against his own and his lips brushing over his. He was the one to close the gap between them. Their kiss was hard and dirty. Lukas felt so numb still from the alcohol and the only thing he could feel was Philip’s hands on him, hot, contrast from his cold skin. He felt them over his ribs than his hips. He felt them lower, undoing his pants until they were down to his ankles.

He watched Philip’s red, bruised lips as he dropped on his knees.

He’s hard, so hard it hurts and Philip barely even touched him. It’s not normal, like it’s not normal to want this as much as he did. He hated how easily this boy could make him fall apart, make him want more every time. He should have felt like this when Rose told him but no, with Rose he felt more disgust than want, like he couldn’t have her hands on him without thinking of Philip and suddenly everything felt wrong. But when he heard the words fall off Philip’s mouth he felt his dick twitch. A moan snapped him out of his thought, Philip’s eyes were close and his hand was around himself. He had to bit his lip to keep the noise from coming out of his mouth at the sight but he failed and the groan that came out made Philip’s mouth turn into a smile. Their eyes locked together as the boy’s tongue made its way from the bottom to the tip of his dick. It felt so good, so fucking good.

     - Fuck… _He moaned as the brunet’s lips closed around him._

He watched himself disappear inch by inch inside the other’s mouth and he thought it was over when he hit the back of his throat but it wasn't, he could feel his throat relax and letting him in. He hissed as the boy swallowed around him. He started bobbing his head and Lukas doesn’t think it gets better than this. He couldn’t help the little trust of his hips making the other gag a little.

     - So…ry, _he managed to say._

Philip hummed around him and stopped his movement. Lukas was confused and couldn’t help but look down at his friend kneeling in front of him, both hands on his own thighs. He was looking at him, waiting, and it took only a few seconds for him to understand what Philip wanted him to do. He rolled his hips tentatively and watched him take it in and moaning around him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to come, he needed to come so bad. He let his head fall on the car behind him. His hips picked up a pace making sure Philip was okay with it. It didn’t take long before he came without a warning. He looked down to help his friend get up and didn’t miss the way he swallowed everything and licked the rest that dripped on his chin. He offered his hand to help him on his feet and tugged Philip against him. He wrapped his arms around his waist and let him press his head on his shoulder. They stayed like this for a while before Lukas remembered his friend hadn’t got off.

     - Do you… need help? _He nervously ask kissing his neck._

     - It’s okay, I’m alright, _he chuckled._

Lukas was confused for a moment before he understood that Philip already came from blowing him. He was still drunk and high on the feelings he just had. He brought Philip down with him. Their bodies still pressed against each other, cuddling. It didn’t take long before they both fell asleep on the ground.

*****************************

It was early, really early when Philip woke up a smile still tugging at the corner of his lips. He rolled over trying to find the boy he fell asleep with, without opening his eyes. After a moment he gave up, fear growing inside his stomach, he opened them and almost cried when he saw the empty place behind him.

He reached for the phone in his pocket. It’s 5:30 am and he has 5 missed calls and 12 unread messages. He unlocked his phone and he really hoped one of them was from Lukas, telling him where the fuck he was, but they weren't.

Everything became blurry around him, it was getting harder and harder to breathe, he felt used and disgust, he needed to get away from here. He wiped a tear rolling down his face and jumped on his feet. He was shaking and struggling to breathe, _he needed to get away._

He was running, running as fast as he could until his lungs started to burn but he didn’t stop, not until he was at Gabe and Helen’s house. Helen was gone, he knew she was (It’s not like she was at home often anyway) and it made him feel better because he liked Gabe and sometimes he felt like maybe he _understood._ He knew the man was waiting for him inside and he needed to find something quick. He pushed the door and tried to steady his hands.

     - Hey Philip, _Gabe called._

He was ready, ready to be yelled at or whatever he was going to do to him but when he turned around, he couldn’t see the anger he expected on the man’s face.

     - Helen and I were so worried, _he sighed._

“Worried”, nobody had ever been worried for him.

     - I’m sorry, I was at a friend’s house and my phone died, _he said hoping he would believe him._

He nodded slowly.

     - Yeah… Helen will still want to talk about it tonight.

     - Is she going to be there?

He saw hurt flashing through his eyes and he felt bad for asking but he needed to go to his room.

     - She said she would, _is the only thing he answered before going back to his breakfast._

He sighed and ran upstairs. He jumped in the shower washing everything left of Lukas off him. The feeling of his hands on his body or his chest pressed against him. He let himself cry, and let the water make everything go away until it was time to go to school.

*******************************

He couldn’t bare it, it was hard enough this morning that he didn’t need Lukas to look at him with disgust written all over his face every time he saw him. He had had enough, enough of Lukas and all of his bullshit.

His day was finally over but he didn’t really want to go home and talk with Helen right now so he went to the only near safe place he knew, the school roof. He sat there alone with his thoughts looking at this little town that is Tivoli. Everything felt right and calm up there until he heard footsteps behind him.

     - Philip?

It was Lukas, he knew it was him by the sound of his voice he could still hear in his head from yesterday.

     - Are you alright? _He asked taking place beside him._

He huffed and laughed sarcastically. He looked at him, he couldn’t be serious could he? He shook his head trying to calm himself.

     - When I was younger, _he started wrapping his arms around himself,_ we didn’t have a lot of money you know…

His hands were shaking, and he knew Lukas saw it as the blond reached for him but he just stepped back.

     - And my mom couldn’t keep a job… We didn’t have food but I was alright you know, they gave me food at school and everything but she didn’t have anything… _He said letting a tear roll down his face._

Lukas didn’t know what to say, how to react. Philip kept getting away from him and he didn’t know why he was telling him this.

     - I needed to find money, for her, so she could be fine again… But I was 14 - 15 years old, no one in the city wanted to hire a kid…

He looked down, trying to find the strength to finish his story.

     - So I did the only thing I could… And I’m not proud of it you know…

Lukas’ jaw was clenched tight, hoping the words he thought wouldn’t ever leave Philip’s mouth.

     - What did you do Philip? _He asked calmly taking a step toward the other man._

     - I let them use me Lukas, _He answered backing off again._ I let them do all kinds of things to me, use me for their own pleasure, they paid a lot and I had no choice…

     - Fuck Philip… I’m so sorry…

     - It happened often and nobody ever knew, I felt disgusting and used after every time and I never got used to it. _His grip tightened around himself._ They were rude and hard on me, I always had bruise all over my body, fingered shaped around my hips, arms or neck once but it didn’t matter, I let them do anything because I needed the money.

Lukas wanted to throw up thinking of all those men who used a little boy to get off, he wanted to kill all of them for ever hurting Philip. But he didn’t thought about him any differently other than Philip having a heart so big that he never ever thought of himself before anyone else. He wished Philip could see himself the way he saw him every day, make him understand how much he mattered to him because he didn’t know how to go over his fear and tell him or show him in front of everyone and he felt like such an asshole for everything he putted him through.

     - But you know I’ve never… _He took a deep breath._ Through all of this, I’ve never felt as hurt as I was when I woke up this morning.

His breath caught up in his throat, he couldn’t breathe, like someone punched him right in the stomach. His head snapped up trying to find Philip’s eyes, find something that’ll show him it was a joke, but nothing. When their eyes met the only thing he could see was how broken the other was.

     - I’ve had enough of your bullshit Lukas… I’m trying to get over everything and… and just live a normal life and you make it so hard for me... It needs to stop…

He watched him turn around and leave. He wanted to say something, tell him he was sorry, that he never wanted to hurt him ever but the words got stuck in his throat. He was alone on the roof and he couldn’t help the sob that came out of his mouth… He fucked up and he had to stop hurting Philip, he was better without him anyway.

****************************

He never thought he would have the courage to actually tell Lukas all of this but he had to, he had to say it to someone.

It has been a month since it happened and Lukas hadn’t talk to him since, he hadn’t even looked at him since and it hurts but he knew he did the right thing. That even if this hurts, it hurts less than all the times Lukas played with him.

He was in the school cafeteria, eating with some new friends he made, since he stopped using his spare time to run after Lukas. They were talking and laughing and everything was fine until he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. He turned around, smile still on his face until he caught the person’s eyes.

     - Want do you want Lukas? _He said harshly_

     - I just need to talk to you, _he said never taking his eyes off him._

     - What if I don’t want to?

     - Come on Philip, _he whined._

He looked tired, like he hadn’t sleep in days and he thought maybe it was the case thinking about all the weight Lukas must have on his shoulder. He remembered how he once told him that he was the only one who helped him forget about everything. But it didn’t matter did it? They were not together anymore, not that they ever really were.

He nodded and followed him out of the room to one of the empty unlocked class.

     - What do you want? _Philip said not really wanting to be here._

     - We need to talk, _Lukas answered._

     - I have nothing to say…

     - Yeah, well, I do…

He was nervous and his hands were shaking, Philip wanted nothing more than to hug him and tell him it was going to be okay.

     - I’m sorry… For everything I did to you… For how much of an asshole I was… For treating you like shit when you deserved so much better… I’m so fucking sorry but… I can’t do it without you…

There were tears in his eyes and he felt like a fucking baby but he couldn’t help it.

     - I need you Philip, you don’t know how much my life is messed up when you’re not in it… And it took me so long, too long to realise but I can’t let you go without fighting… I messed up, messed up so bad but I’d do anything to make it right…

     - Anything? _He asked surprised._

Lukas nodded.

     - I told my dad… I told him everything and you were right, I just imagined he would freak out but he didn’t. He was shocked but he got over it.

He couldn’t believe it. Lukas, who was hiding in the deepest closet he had ever seen, just came out to his dad for him.

     - You didn’t have to… _He started._

     - Yes, I did… I’m in love with you Philip Shea and I don’t want you to be my secret anymore…

     - Are you serious?

He never thought he would hear those words come out of Lukas’ mouth.

     - I’m in love with you too

He smiled, tugging Lukas so he could press their lips together.

     - Did you meant it? _He whispered_

     - Yes, all of it, _he said pulling him back in a kiss._ And I swear on my life, I’m going to make everything up to you. _He admit pressing their forehead together._

 

He couldn’t stop smiling when he laced their fingers together and he tugged Lukas out the class as the bell rang.

People were looking at them but he didn’t care anymore, he was happy, so happy and no one could ruin that, not when he had Philip by his side.

He felt better being himself than being who people wanted him to be and he almost lost the most important person in his life for that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot. Leave a comment if you want.  
> Sorry for the mistakes, english is not my first language.
> 
> Love you,  
> Lauren xxxx


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